Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Four Pounds

Joanna just turned 9 months last week. Nine months! This feels crazy. One day last month when I went to pick her up from school, I caught my reflection in the window of the daycare as I was running speed walking in my heels. I stopped for a minute and all I could think to myself was, this is me... adult, wife, MOM, project manager, living in Texas... and I have a baby. It felt so unreal to say those things to myself out loud.

If you've been following my not-so-well-documented journey - you'd know just a little bit about how I've been struggling with letting go of the number on the scale. For a while, I threw out my scale and refused to weigh myself. Then, my size 10 jeans were feeling a bit loose so I bought a scale! (still trying not to focus on the number and what I had left.. just trying to track my progress). And here it is:

February: 3 lbs
March: 3 lbs
April: 1 lbs
May: 1lb

Well, in May I lost 1 pound. This was extremely discouraging because on May 1st I had just made a commitment to running again, found a running coach and ran 45 miles. FOURTY FIVE MILES. I haven't seen numbers like that since my ramp up for Chicago Marathon training in 2014. Geez, it's been that long. Still... discouraging! I know, I know... I'm not doing this to lose the weight... I'm doing this so I can find my love for running again. I'm doing this so I can feel healthy and strong and confident.

Well, I kept running and I kept moving.

4 mile run to/from Hansen Dam in
Southern California last week

Most of our Ganey family has a Fitbit. This has helped trying to get my butt out of my desk chair when I'm at work. I find a reason to walk the building in between meetings and I get a little bothered when my brother-in-law doesn't sync for 24 hours and then randomly puts 18 thousand steps on the leader board. How am I ever going to win one of those challenges? (Note: my brother in law, Matt, doesn't have a desk job like me - so when he is at work he gets in TONS of steps.)

So unfair.

But this has motivated me to keep moving! 

Well, I took a leap of faith and stepped on the scale on Sunday morning and guess what I saw. I HAVE FOUR POUNDS TO GO! ...Until I reach my pre-pregnancy weight. Granted, I was at my heaviest the day after I came home from Chicago (which was my last weigh-in at the doctor's office before I came back 6 weeks pregnant with 10 extra pounds). But, I'll take it! Just like I told myself when I put on that extra 5lbs for Chicago, your body does what it needs to do to survive. During pregnancy, I put on 52. Not my finest moment  but my body and baby needed it (well, maybe it didn't need all that ice cream... ha).

For anyone thinking about the weight they are adding during pregnancy or the weight they are trying to lose afterwards, YOU GREW A BABY INSIDE OF YOU! Don't stress the weight... try to eat right and try to exercise (even though sometimes that feels like a crazy idea with all of the life changes happening). Most importantly, give yourself grace.

Sure, there are some women who snap right back 6 weeks or even 12 weeks after delivery but you know what? I wasn't one of them. Between selling our home in Florida, moving 4 states away and adjusting to a whole new city, with a new baby AND a new job (plus my efforts to exercise were inconsistent).... it just took me a little longer than I expected it. But at some point I just needed to let go of the frustration with the scale and live my life. Because my baby is only going to be a baby for so long and I want to remember having fun with her and not stressing 24/7 about the weight. Just go out and buy bigger pants - and then go for a walk with that little baby.

Just like that, 9 months flew by and the weight is almost all gone. In the end, I'm more proud of the mama I've grown into over the last 9 months than I am for losing 48lbs in 9 months. Everyday I am learning that perspective is everything. The time will pass regardless so I might as well enjoy it with the people I love.


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